thoughts on a failed placement

The temptation to not record the events of the past four weeks is overwhelming. I’d rather not have to relive it in order to write it. But as I’ve come to realize….I have lots of words and feel that it may be best if the good and the bad, the ups and the downs, the joys and the cries are recorded. There have been lots of joys recorded here….lots of good….thank you Lord for the good! Lord, sustain us in the bad…..

In the middle of October we received a recruitment email from our adoption agency regarding a potential adoption placement and we responded within a short time frame as the baby was due at the end of October. We went from being one of 38+ families to one of 10 families to one of five families being willing to pursue this match. We found out a few short days later the birth mother picked our family and wanted to meet us the next day. We were shocked, overwhelmed, excited, scared, thrilled, nervous, elated….you name it – we felt it! We met the birth mother the following day and felt so good about how our meeting went. We even agreed to meet that same week again.

I came home and the wheels started turning. We needed a crib, stroller, car seat, bottles, diapers, clothes…..My sister (love you sis) jumped at the chance to come over and help me acquire the needed gear. We literally spent an entire day going from baby stores to consignment stores gathering it all! We ordered our crib and settled into the idea of having a newborn….again!

That same day as we were gathering baby gear, the first of several disappointing events started to unravel. We got a call that our birth mom cancelled our meeting for later in the week. We were disappointed and the wheels began to turn as to why she cancelled and what was going on? Was she simply not up to it or was it indicative of a change of heart for her?

The following week ended up being a time of trust being continually ruined rather than built up. Our birth mom cancelled on a meeting with her pregnancy counselor, she did not return our phone calls, and did not make any attempts to reschedule the meetings. We also were not able to get confirmation from her doctor to verify if she was scheduling or coming to her appointments. As her due date came and went, all of these events led to many red flags, which resulted in high anxiety, not much sleep, and lots of stress.

This week we did get a firm confirmation that our birth mom is not moving forward with our agency so we were thankful for some measure of closure. Closure however does not heal the hurt and sadness. Closure also does not make everything better right away. The fact is – we mourn the loss of this baby and the relationship with his birth mother.

But……God….

God is faithful and just. He is sovereign and is good. His plan is our plan and we don’t want to be out from under His love, His mercy, His guidance and His wisdom. So, we wait on Him to move us along this path knowing that there are lessons to be learned all along the way. Had our adoption journey ended here – I already see how I would have missed the chance to trust and obey more deeply in the Lord. Perhaps this failed placement was one of the biggest examples of God’s grace in our lives. This baby boy was not our baby boy for reasons the Lord only knows and for reasons we may never know. Trust and Obey.

Our first placement experience has been one that we wish we hadn’t had to go through, but I have found in my life that the lessons I haven’t wanted to learn have been the lessons that have been the most crucial for me to learn. So, I call on my Mighty God to lead Nathan and I through this journey and affirm that we are committed to following His lead, His timeline, and His choice for our family.

Psalm 18:30-31

As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. For who is God besides the LORD? And who is the Rock except our God?